Tips for Smooth Holidays, from a Family Lawyer

Why Holidays Are Especially Challenging

Holidays symbolize more than just dates on the calendar—they’re tied to memories, rituals, travel, traditions and family expectations. And, for most parents, stress is baked right into the emotions that tend to run higher during the holidays, which is completely normal; everyone wants this time of year to feel special. When parents live in separate households, aligning holiday expectations can be difficult. As a result, disputes often arise over:

• Which household gets which holiday
• Pick-up and drop-off logistics
• Travel out of town or out of state
• Extended family gatherings
• Children’s preferences as they grow older

Here are some tips for enjoying the holidays, based on 20+ years of experience as a family law attorney:

1)      Start with the Parenting Plan

One of the most effective ways to minimize holiday conflict is to establish a detailed parenting plan well before the holiday season begins.

Most parenting plans include a holiday schedule that supersedes the regular parenting time routine. A detailed parenting plan can:

• Clarify holiday parenting-time expectations;
• Resolve conflicts before they escalate;
• Avoid last-minute surprises that can create tension.

For high conflict situations, you may want to consider discussing parenting-related modifications through mediation or with the help of your attorney.

Remember: If a parenting plan is vague, unworkable, or outdated (for example, if your children’s needs have changed), changes to the plan may be needed.

2)      Focus on Your Children’s Experience

One guiding principle should lead your parenting plan and your holiday time: What arrangements best serve the children?

Children thrive when they feel secure and loved. It is important for both parents to keep a positive tone, make transitions low stress, and shield children from adult conflict so they can enjoy time with both sides of their families. To help children have a joyful holiday:

• Share parenting-time details in advance so your children know where they’ll be and when; set expectations.
• Avoid negative commentary about the other parent’s holiday plans or family members. Save negativity for therapy sessions.
• Encourage your children to enjoy traditions with both households. Focus on the positive as you want this season to hold positive memories for them in the future.

Remember: Your children’s experience and well-being are the priority.

3)      Flexibility, When Possible, Goes a Long Way

While parenting plans provide structure, flexibility can foster peace. Life happens—work schedules change, families travel, children have events, weather interferes, etc. When co-parents can communicate openly and make reasonable accommodations, it can help keep the holidays harmonious.

In high conflict coparenting situations, flexibility isn’t always possible. Orders of Protection or No Contact provisions, intended to prevent abuse or misbehavior by one or both parties, intentionally impact co-parents’ ability to quickly communicate about the children’s needs or adapt the parenting plan. In these cases, sticking firmly to the predetermined parenting plan is the best way to maintain holiday peace.

Remember: Flexibility doesn’t mean abandoning boundaries or ignoring the parenting plan. It means being willing, when possible, to adjust in ways that benefit the children.

4)      When Disputes Arise

Despite everyone’s best efforts, sometimes disagreements still occur. If you find yourself facing a holiday conflict:

• Address it early. Advanced notice is easier to accommodate than last-minute requests.
• Use written communication and keep conversations clear and respectful. Remember at some later date anything you put in writing could be blown up poster size and shown in court.
• Talk to your attorney about options such as mediation, clarification, or enforcement.

Remember: Timely communication and legal guidance (as needed) can often prevent a small issue from turning into a crisis.

In short…

Holiday parenting doesn’t have to be a battleground. With a detailed parenting plan, a commitment to putting your children’s needs first, good communication, and flexibility (when possible) you can navigate the season with far more ease. This will reduce stress and make the holiday more enjoyable for you and your children.  

If you need help reviewing your parenting plan, holiday schedule, negotiating adjustments, or resolving a parenting dispute, our experienced family law team can guide you toward solutions that protect your rights and preserve your children’s well-being.

Remember! Traditions may evolve, but meaningful memories can be created when keeping the children’s best interest at the forefront of holiday planning.