Divorce & Disgust

As a family law attorney, despite the always-entertaining trend in the ‘AITA’ posts, I don’t often come across ‘final straw’ divorce stories I’ve never heard before…but here I am on January 13th standing corrected. While scrolling through my daily news feed, I stumbled across this article, and ensuing commentary, about a woman divorcing her husband due to his insistence on peeing in the sink. Yup, you read that right.

My initial reaction, along with most posters, was revulsion that somehow intensified once I read further and learned that he was first urinating in a cup and then pouring down the sink. Double gross. Why, you ask, would someone do this? According to the wife, he did so to save the wastewater cost of flushing the toilet. Helpful Redditors pointed out that child support and alimony would be far, far more expensive than flushing the toilet. My own rational ideas began formulating...until I reminded myself that this conflict, as is true about so many conflicts, isn’t about logical solutions to a single problem.

You often hear that January is DIVORCE MONTH…and after 18 years as a family law attorney I can confirm that there is, indeed, an annual surge of divorce filings at the start of every new year. Amusement aside, this article actually points to a more common reason I see for this annual trend:

• Lack of Respect
  The article speaks to this. The husband is failing to consider the concerns his wife is clearly expressing. Redditors were framing this issue about who is objectively right…missing out on the lack of respect for his wife’s reasonable feelings. Based on my experience, I bet this pattern of disrespect trickles into many other aspects of their relationship. (Bah dum dum dum tish!)  

​In addition to lack of respect, there are three more common reasons new clients come to me seeking divorce this month of the year:

• Unsupportive Dynamics
  During the holidays, patterns of behavior, rooted in lack of emotional support and consideration, boil to the surface. Poorly resolved conflicts about which family gets time and travel precede the season. Aunt Mae talking shit about her niece's spouse - who other doesn’t say anything in defense of her partner. Family members offering rude and unsolicited advice about one partner’s parenting, career choices, etc…unchallenged, leaving their spouse feeling abandoned. Ho ho ho. It’s so common for me to hear, “I will NEVER spend another holiday with X’s family!”
• Financial Control
  I often work with divorcing clients this time of year who are beyond breaking point by what their spouse unilaterally spent over the holidays. They decide that, despite the initial cost, divorce is actually a more financially healthy long-term decision and the only way for them to regain financial control of their lives.
• No Longer Enjoying Your Partner
  Holidays typically offer a break from the grind. Quiet time at home with your partner, right? Not always. Sometimes, it can make partners realize that they no longer have anything in common with their spouse. Nothing to talk about. No common activities to pursue. Or worse, their spouse has turned into someone they no longer like or respect. This is also a common story when I meet new clients in January.